September 15, 2011

     I keep reading newspaper stories about people who are sure pasteurized milk is ruining the country. One woman has fought the state and federal governments to a standstill to preserve the right to give raw milk to her children. As a result, she says, her children never get sick.

     WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, LADY. When I entered the Corvallis, Montana, school system in 1944, 31 of the 32 children in my class lived on farms with milk cows. And all of us except Wilma, the town kid, grew up drinking vast quantities of raw milk. (It was, after all, free.)

     All 32 of us got measles, mumps, and chicken pox at one point or another, as there were no vaccines for them then. We had a steady stream of colds, and some kids had cold sores as well. Flu went through our ranks in waves, which flu we generously took home to our parents, and they got it too.

     On one particularly joyous occasion, all four members of our family went down with a bug. Occasionally, as the days went by, one member would recover enough to stagger out into the kitchen and eat a bowl of cereal or heat up the contents of a can of Campbell’s soup, leaving the uneaten part of it on the stove for the next sufferer to heat and eat. (Whatever we had, it obviously wasn’t stomach flu.) As a result, crusted over dirty dishes covered all the kitchen counters and loaded down the dining room table.

     My father recovered first. And when he got out of bed, my mother in a feeble voice asked him if he’d please do the dishes. He did. All three days’ worth of dirty dishes and crusted over pots and pans.

     Then he got into the car, went to town, and bought a dishwasher.

     Janette Blackwell

P.S. I think you’ll enjoy item 15, which describes the exciting events when the school lunch program introduced us little farm kids to our first pasteurized milk, our first orange juice, and the kind of straw you drink from (as opposed to the kind of straw used for bedding down cows).

----Table Of Contents----

1. The Greatest Marriage Proposal Ever!
2. The Bristol Zoo Parking Attendant
3. Spying Cats
4. 10 Healthy Foods That Aren’t
5. Which Food Is Worse?
6. School Lunch With A Punch
7. Which After School Snack Is Better For Your Child?
8. Keep Your Kids Safe Online
9. Don’t Leave Your Kid Alone With A Dangerous Breed Dog!
10. Dangerous Teen Fads You Should Know About
11. Kids Then And Now
12. Can Windows 8 Save The PC?
13. Firefox 4 Vs. Internet Explorer 9
14. Kylo, The Web Browser Built For Televisions
15. The Great School Lunch Rebellion

1. THE GREATEST MARRIAGE PROPOSAL EVER!

     Apparently there’s a competition for the “greatest marriage proposal ever.” If you look off to the right you’ll see more:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnVAE91E7kM

2. THE BRISTOL ZOO PARKING ATTENDANT

     A clever trick, on you and me:

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/humor/a/bristol_zoo_car_park_attendant.htm

3. SPYING CATS

     I’m a sucker for cute cats, but this collection is exceptional! Some of the best ones are down a ways:

http://www.animal-space.net/2011/08/spying-cats.html

     PUPPIES THAT FELL ASLEEP EATING:

http://www.animal-space.net/2011/02/tired-of-eating-10-photos.html

     JESSICA THE PET HIPPO:

http://www.flixxy.com/pet-hippo.htm

4. 10 HEALTHY FOODS THAT AREN’T

     This is a surprisingly popular topic. I found three sites that advertise exactly 10 foods that SURPRISE! aren’t healthy, plus a bunch that list different numbers of such foods. You’ll find some overlap between the last two sites, but the whole thing is enlightening. First let’s try YAHOO:

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/9-healthy-foods-worse-than-wendys-double-baconator

     And now for FOX NEWS on healthy foods that aren’t:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,316477,00.html

     And WOMAN’S DAY:

http://www.womansday.com/Articles/Health-Fitness/
Nutrition/10-Healthy-Foods-That-Aren-t.html

5. WHICH FOOD IS WORSE?

     If you have high cholesterol:

http://www.ivillage.com/which-worse-foods-choose-when-
you-have-high-cholesterol/4-b-297672

6. SCHOOL LUNCH WITH A PUNCH

     FAMILY FUN’S readers offered 500 suggestions for school lunches and snacks, and you get the benefit:

http://familyfun.go.com/recipes/pack-school-lunches-with-punch-714831/

7. WHICH AFTER SCHOOL SNACK IS BETTER FOR YOUR CHILD?

     Another iVILLAGE sneaky comparison of popular foods:

http://www.ivillage.com/which-worse-battle-afterschool-snacks/4-b-374274

8. KEEP YOUR KIDS SAFE ONLINE

     These computer games will teach kids safety practices while online. (And MIKE HODAPP has an additional suggestion: his kids’ computer is in the family room, where the whole family hangs out. That way everyone can see what the kids are doing online.)

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/6-internet-safety-games-kids-cyber-smart/

9. DON’T LEAVE A KID ALONE WITH A DANGEROUS BREED DOG!

     You’ve been warned:

http://www.dfordog.co.uk/dog_funnies29.htm

10. DANGEROUS TEEN FADS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

     Some scary things ... and, of course, that’s their whole point:

http://www.ivillage.com/dangerous-teen-fads-you-
should-know-about/6-b-141376?sky=stu|ths|prevkids|teenfads|

11. KIDS THEN AND NOW

     Kids have changed, and, frankly, I’m glad they have changed in this respect. Aunt Janette is counting on their help when she gets into an electronic pinch. You may enjoy other items of MAKEUSEOF’s geeky fun:

http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/kids/

12. CAN WINDOWS 8 SAVE THE PC?

     The tablets seem to be winning:

http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/09/09/7692111-can-windows-8-save-the-pc

13. FIREFOX 4 VS. INTERNET EXPLORER 9

     The two browsers have been duking it out for years. Both have come out with a new version. How do they compare?

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/firefox-4-internet-explorer-9-browser-showdown/

14. KYLO, THE WEB BROWSER BUILT FOR TELEVISIONS

     Can you browse the Internet while reclining on your sofa? Apparently:

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/kylo-web-browser-built-televisions/

15. THE GREAT SCHOOL LUNCH REBELLION

     Remember when children were forbidden to snack before meals, “Or you’ll ruin your appetite”?

     In the thirties and forties, thin children were a family disgrace, signs of poverty and neglect. My mother was humiliated because, despite her best efforts, I weighed only 41 pounds throughout my first year of school. She was overjoyed when, the minute World War II was over, the Corvallis, Montana, school district hired a local carpenter to make child-size tables and benches. They set up a kitchen in the school basement, and my second year of school became the school’s first year of school lunches.

     That was also the year we got a little boy named Kenneth in our second-grade class. Kenneth was to play, briefly, a starring role in the Corvallis School Lunch Program. Before he arrived in our class, Miss Weber gave us instructions. We were not to make fun of Kenneth for the way he looked; we were not to make fun of him if he couldn't do the things we could do. We should let Kenneth join in our games.

     And we tried. Kids can be mean, but I believe we sincerely attempted to walk the path of virtue in our dealings with Kenneth.

     Kenneth was a good-natured, smiling little boy with a head that slanted, like a roof, to a point on top. His mother was brave to let him come to school: children like Kenneth in those days were either warehoused in the State Children’s Home or hidden away in their parents’ homes. But Kenneth begged so hard to be allowed to come to school and play with the other children that his mother gave in.

     So now we had in our class a happy little boy who liked to pretend he was Roy Rogers. Kenneth worshipped Roy Rogers. And we had a new school lunch room with child-size tables and benches. All the places were set, and at each place was a little white milk bottle with cardboard lid: the accomplishment of a Washington bureaucrat who desired to uplift the health of the nation's children.

     And we had a bunch of suspicious farm kids who had never before seen a milk bottle. We knew exactly where milk came from, and it didn’t come from bottles!

     We gingerly removed the cardboard caps and sniffed the stuff. Then we discovered our straws. WHEEEE! STRAWS! And those who knew what to do with a straw did it while the rest of us watched and learned.

     And then there was a great SLUUUUURRRRRPPPPP, as we tested our newfound straw-drinking abilities. Followed by the sound of a universal EEEEEUUUUUUU ICK. A sound that swept through the lunchroom in waves as more and more children ingested milk via straw. The stuff didn't taste like milk. It had a terrible taste. It was in fact the most awful taste I had ever encountered, except for the time I took a bite out of a beautiful cake of pink Camay soap.

     We little farm kids had just been introduced to pasteurized milk.

     There were only two holdouts from the general opinion on pasteurized milk: Wilma and Kenneth. Wilma, the only town kid among us, said, “There’s nothing wrong with this milk. It tastes just like the milk my mother buys in the store.” And Kenneth said, “Roy Rogers always drinks his milk!” As he swigged down every drop with a smile.

     Of course Wilma and Kenneth went unheeded as we explored the things you could do with milk and straws without actually drinking anything. You could, for instance, send milk a long way by filling the straw halfway with milk and blowing hard. You could also insert the straw into the bottle and blow, producing a lovely white foam that rose higher and higher and cascaded down the sides of the bottle and over the tabletop.

     A little boy could stick a straw half-filled with milk down the neck of a little girl, and let go.

     The high point was the day four little boys held Johnny Bailey down on the floor, two holding down his arms and two holding down his legs, while two little girls carefully and thoughtfully dribbled pasteurized milk into his mouth. Johnny naturally tried to spit the awful stuff back out, his mouth a fountain of white foam. He had the right attitude, we all felt.

     Then the authorities struck back. First with an edict: No more playing with the food. (By that time our activities had expanded, as children's activities will.)

     And then they snuck up on us.

A Plot Of Subtle Evil

     We entered the lunchroom one day to find a new kind of bottle at each place. This bottle contained orange liquid. We tasted it cautiously, our suspicions having been roused by previous gastronomic insults. But this beverage turned out to be an insidiously delicious mixture of orange and grapefruit juice. Some of us had found oranges in the toes of our Christmas stockings, and California oranges were just starting to come back into the stores now that World War II was over, but none of us had tasted anything like this. Contained in its depths was the sweet, subtle allure of the tropics, set off by that faint bitterness which renders all things in life doubly precious.

     This beverage went straight to our heads, as surely as if there had been a red cherry in the middle and a little paper umbrella on top.

     We desired it.

     The next day, a teacher rose and announced that more of that wonderful orange drink was available. But only to children who turned in an empty milk bottle.

     At that moment we recognized betrayal. Grownups who had seemed to be pleasant, even kindly, had proved to be unworthy of our trust.

     And now they had us right where they wanted us.

     We turned and gazed on our milk bottles with new eyes.

     It was the little boys who found a way out. As I sat glumly teaching myself to hold my breath, take a swig of milk, and quickly insert a mouthful of food to take away the taste - a technique I was to use for pasteurized milk right up through high school - a victorious shout came from the boys. They were giving their bottles of milk to Kenneth. He was drinking them down, bottle after bottle after bottle. Enjoying his newfound popularity and the sure approval of Roy Rogers.

     Kenneth drank six bottles of pasteurized milk that day, only stopping when the lunchroom emptied. And, later that afternoon, as he sat at his desk, a good portion of that liquid inevitably dribbled onto the schoolroom floor, forming a puddle that extended for several feet below his desk.

     The next time orange drink was served as a prize, the same thing happened. Kenneth rejoiced in his popularity, oblivious to future consequences. But this time Miss Weber was on the alert, and Kenneth was stopped before he could set another record. Later in the day, Miss Weber sent Kenneth out of the room - I suppose to go where he very much needed to go - and we were ordered to stop giving Kenneth our milk.

     And so ended the great milk rebellion ... the way of most rebellions, in a slow fizzle and the gradual acceptance of grim fate.