WRETCHED WRITERS WELCOME

     WORST FIRST LINES. The contest on the BULWER-LYTTON website challenges you to exercise your brain by writing the worst possible first sentence of a novel. In my opinion, Bulwer-Lytton.com is the funniest site on the web. I have demoted www.meankitty.com, formerly my number one, to second place. And now for my favorite first worst winner, listed on the site under "Lyttony of Grand Prize Winners," and you'll note that the whole thing is a single sentence:

     The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarous tribe now stacking wood at her nubile feet, when the strong, clear voice of the poetic and heroic Handsomas roared, "Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my steel through your last meal." Steven Garman, Pensacola, Florida (1984 Winner)

     Click below for the whole shemoozle, and perhaps you can tap within yourself an unexpected ability to do truly terrible writing:

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

     BEST FIRST LINES. Click below to find the “100 Best First Lines of Novels, as chosen by the editors of American Book Review.” Take a look at number 22, which is by none other than Bulwer-Lytton and begins, “It was a dark and stormy night. . . .” Readers of the Peanuts comic strip will recognize this extremely versatile sentence as the first line of Snoopy’s novels as well.

     I agree with the early “best firsts,” but feel a bit dubious later on, thinking they are simply the first sentences of novels the authors of the list consider to be good. And number 22 must have been posted with tongue in cheek. Wasn’t it?

http://www.infoplease.com/ipea/A0934311.html